Tantrums are a normal part of childhood development, especially for younger children or those still developing communication and emotional regulation skills. They can look different from child to child—crying, screaming, dropping to the floor, refusal, or even physical aggression—but at their core, tantrums are often a form of communication.
For parents and caregivers, tantrums can feel overwhelming in the moment. It’s easy to focus on stopping the behavior as quickly as possible. However, Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) encourages a different approach: understanding why the tantrum is happening and responding in a way that teaches better coping and communication skills over time.
Instead of reacting only to the behavior itself, ABA helps us look at what is driving it—and how we can support the child in a more effective and compassionate way.
What Is a Tantrum in ABA Terms?
In ABA, a tantrum is considered a behavior that often serves a function. It is not random or “bad behavior,” but a response to something the child is experiencing or trying to communicate.
Tantrums may include behaviors such as:
- Crying or screaming
- Dropping to the floor
- Refusing to follow directions
- Throwing objects
- Stomping or flopping
- Pushing away tasks or adults
While the behavior may look dramatic, it usually has an underlying purpose.
Why Tantrums Happen: Understanding Behavior Functions
One of the most important ABA principles is that behavior has a function—it serves a purpose for the child.
Tantrums commonly occur for four main reasons:
1. Attention
The child may be trying to gain attention from a parent, teacher, or caregiver.
Even negative attention (scolding, repeated verbal correction) can sometimes maintain the behavior if it consistently results in interaction.
2. Access to Tangibles
The child may want a preferred item or activity, such as:
- Toys
- Snacks
- Screen time
- A specific object or activity
If tantruming results in receiving the item, the behavior is more likely to continue.
3. Escape or Avoidance
The child may be trying to avoid something difficult or unpleasant, such as:
- Homework or tasks
- Transitions
- Demands or instructions
- Overwhelming environments
4. Sensory or Emotional Regulation
Sometimes tantrums occur because the child is overwhelmed, tired, hungry, or seeking sensory input or relief.
Understanding the function is the foundation for effective intervention.
Step 1: Stay Calm and Safe
In the middle of a tantrum, the first priority is safety—not teaching.
Children often look to adults for emotional cues. If the adult becomes escalated, the situation can intensify.
Helpful strategies include:
- Speaking in a calm, steady voice
- Keeping instructions brief
- Giving physical space when needed
- Removing unsafe objects if possible
- Avoiding lengthy explanations during the episode
At this stage, less is often more.
Step 2: Avoid Accidentally Reinforcing the Tantrum
One of the key ABA concepts is reinforcement—what happens after a behavior influences whether it happens again.
If a child learns that tantrums reliably lead to what they want (attention, toys, escape from tasks), the behavior may increase over time.
This doesn’t mean ignoring the child’s needs. It means being thoughtful about what the tantrum is “producing.”
For example:
- If tantruming leads to immediate access to a toy, the behavior may be reinforced.
- If crying consistently results in the task being removed, escape behavior may be strengthened.
The goal is to avoid reinforcing the tantrum while still supporting the child’s underlying need in a more appropriate way.
Step 3: Identify the Function After the Moment Passes
Once the child is calm, it becomes easier to think about what happened.
Ask:
- What happened right before the tantrum?
- What did the child want or avoid?
- What happened immediately after?
- Has this pattern happened before?
This helps identify the function of the behavior and guides future strategies.
Step 4: Teach a Replacement Behavior
One of the most important ABA strategies is teaching a better way to communicate the same need.
If a tantrum “works” for the child, we need to teach a more appropriate behavior that works just as well—or better.
Examples:
- Instead of screaming for a snack → “Can I have a snack?”
- Instead of crying to avoid work → “Can I have a break?”
- Instead of grabbing a toy → “Can I have a turn?”
- Instead of flopping during transitions → using a visual schedule or asking for help
The replacement behavior should be:
- Easier than the tantrum
- Just as effective
- Immediately reinforced
Step 5: Reinforce Calm and Appropriate Behavior
Positive reinforcement is essential in reducing tantrums over time.
When the child uses appropriate communication or coping skills, reinforce it immediately.
Examples:
- Praise (“Great job using your words!”)
- Access to the requested item
- A break from a difficult task
- Positive attention or encouragement
The goal is to make the replacement behavior more successful than the tantrum.
Step 6: Prevent Future Tantrums When Possible
While not all tantrums can be prevented, many can be reduced by adjusting the environment and expectations.
Helpful prevention strategies include:
Clear Expectations
Use simple instructions and predictable routines.
Visual Supports
Visual schedules, first-then boards, or timers can reduce confusion.
Choice-Making
Offering choices increases a child’s sense of control.
Transition Warnings
Giving advance notice before changing activities helps reduce surprises.
Task Modification
Breaking tasks into smaller steps can reduce frustration.
Prevention is often more effective than reacting in the moment.
Step 7: Teach Emotional Regulation Skills
Over time, children benefit from learning how to manage strong emotions in healthier ways.
This may include:
- Deep breathing
- Asking for a break
- Using a calm-down space
- Identifying emotions
- Using sensory tools
- Requesting help
These skills take time to develop, but they are essential for long-term success.
What Not to Do During a Tantrum
In ABA-informed practice, certain responses may unintentionally make tantrums more likely to continue.
Try to avoid:
- Giving in immediately to demands during tantrums (if the behavior is attention or access-maintained)
- Long explanations during escalation
- Yelling or escalating emotionally
- Inconsistent responses across caregivers
- Delayed reinforcement of appropriate behavior
Consistency is key to helping the child learn new patterns.
Remember: Progress Takes Time
Reducing tantrums is not about eliminating emotions. All children experience frustration, disappointment, and overwhelm. The goal is to help them express those feelings in safer, more effective ways.
You may see:
- Improvements in duration of tantrums
- Reduced intensity over time
- Increased use of communication
- Faster recovery after distress
- More independence in handling frustration
These small changes are meaningful progress.
Final Thoughts
Managing tantrums using ABA principles is not about controlling behavior—it’s about understanding it. When we look beyond the tantrum itself and focus on the function behind it, we can respond in ways that teach, support, and empower the child.
By staying calm, identifying triggers, teaching replacement behaviors, and reinforcing positive communication, caregivers can help children learn more effective ways to express their needs.
Over time, tantrums often decrease not because they are punished, but because the child gains better tools to communicate and cope. And when children feel understood and supported, meaningful change becomes possible—one calm, consistent moment at a time.